A tear was starting to form and in that moment I knew that I would not see my brother for an entire year. I was old enough to know the danger he would be in once he got to Afghanistan.

This story began when I was three years old. My oldest brother, Joe, joined the Army when he was 17 and began his process of being in the Army National Guard Infantry: soldiers “specifically trained to engage, fight, and defeat the enemy in face-to-face combat, and thus bear the brunt of warfare, suffering the greatest number of casualties.”

At the time, I had no idea how dangerous being in the military could be. All I knew was that my older brother was protecting our country; he was, and still is, my hero. I would send him macaroni artwork and count the days until he would finally be coming home.

After some years had passed, my other older brother, Chris, followed in Joe’s footsteps and joined the Army National Guard to become a Military Police Officer. I had already been through this with Joe, so I was used to the process: leaving for boot camp, Army weekends, etc. It was not very difficult to deal with and it would be a while before I would have to endure the unhappy time of my life.

Fast forward to when I was 14, towards the end of my freshman year here at Lane, to one of the hardest obstacles I have ever had to go through.

My brother Joe and I are extremely close, he is honestly my best friend and I do not know what I would do without him. He originally got his orders for Afghanistan around August and it was now the morning I would have to say goodbye to him for a year. My family and I stayed up with him all night trying to enjoy our last few hours together. Although I got to enjoy that time with him, I felt like I had not done enough to make up for the time I would be away from him.

Morning came and it was a school day so I could not drop him off at his base like my family and I did when he was first shipped out to Germany. After I got ready and it was time for me to leave, I stood on my tippy toes, threw my arms around my brother’s neck, hugged him tight and said, “I love you. I’ll see you soon.” It was so hard for me to walk away from him. I wiped away the tears and with the help of my awesome friends, I pushed through that day.

Things were not as bad as I imagined they would be those next few weeks. I had Chris and was extremely grateful that he was still home. We became as close as we were when we were younger.

Not even two months had gone by when Chris got his orders for Afghanistan. Joe was still over there and now my only other brother would be gone too. With Chris’ deployment, I tried to stay positive, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. Becoming the only child in my house was something I was not used to and it was not a fun experience for me.

The only period of time where I was able to achieve some depth of happiness was when I got to see my favorite band, Linkin Park, live for the first time in August. That was the only time that I can remember actually not being able to stop smiling. It was an amazing time, but that was only one night, and I still had months to go through without my brothers.

Towards the middle of my sophomore year everything dawned on me and seemed to be going downhill. I had such a bad outlook towards everything; I hated people, hated school, and had little to no happiness in my life.

I had this burden of sadness that erupted this anger in me and because of that I was lashing out at some of my close friends. They did not understand what I was going through and I just felt alone. I fell into this “lone wolf” lifestyle where I did my own thing.

I had a system worked out that in a way, helped me cope and got me through all of this.

I would drink a Monster just about every morning and I found myself depending on it. I would go to school, rush home, and then do the things I love that were my coping methods: playing Halo, listening to Linkin Park and Eminem, and writing everything down.

I never sought any help from military family support groups or anything like that, but something that helped me stay connected with my brothers was sending them care packages.

To make these I would go out and get everything that my brothers love: candy, snacks, energy drinks, etc. Sending a package every couple of weeks kept me connected to my brothers. When they were given the chance to call or facebook us, they were extremely grateful and happy to have me sending them those little care packages.

The eight months I spent as an only child were the most unhappy I have ever experienced. It is strange looking back on that time now, but I am glad that I was able to get back up when I had fallen.

A year had finally gone by and it was the day that Joe would be coming home. It was a long day at school and all I could think about was seeing him again. I rushed home and waited. When the car pulled up, I immediately ran out to him, hugged him, and just started to cry; I was finally gaining back some sort of happiness again.

Seven months later it was the day I would be picking Chris up from the airport and that was the first time he would see me drive. It was an exciting day; I made it through my brother’s deployments and would finally have both of them home.